The Daily Special 8.20.09

• I will be at the Franz Ferdinand show, but by all means, don't let my disdain for child molesters stand in the way of you enjoying a free night with Jimmy Kimmel and R Kelly.

• "We're getting married!" Serial scarlet lady finally nabs her man after breaking up his marriage (and 3 others). What a brazen hussy.

• Really, Honda? You didn't think to make your cars tornado-proof? Well, that's just shockingly negligent.

• This guy went backpacking through Europe, and all he got was this stalker-ish harpy of an ex-girlfriend.

• Where's my Emmy?!?!?!